[industry & idleness]

Jewellery and Rings (first published June 2007)

Woman walked in this afternoon.

“Have you got any rings”

“Rings madam?” says I (Come on then – what would you say?)

“Yes, rings – the charity shops are closed – I need some rings and don’t know where to go – I’m new to Salisbury.”

“This is a bookshop Madam.”

“But I want to buy a ring.”

“How about a jewellers madam.”

“Do you think so ? – I’ll try that then”

And she walked out.

A Little Vague (first published September 2007)

“Hello,I was watching an interesting programme with Simon Schama on the History Channel last night. He was talking about the history of Wales, and carrying a book. Can you get me a copy of it please.”

Now people, you just KNOW that he didn’t have any clues about author or title. The only extra bit of information I managed to get was “It might have been a Penguin”

The Fount of All Knowledge (first published March 2007)

Young man comes into the shop.

“I want to buy a book to learn stuff”

“What sort of Stuff”

You know …. I want a book to teach me things – can you recommend a book that will give me knowledge”

“Knowledge about what exactly ?”

“Oh everything ……I brought my mum a book for Christmas .. It was on Naturamony”

“Naturamony ?”

“You know – Bones and stuff”

“Ah, anatomy ….. Is she a nurse ?”

“No she works in a cafe… But i liked the pictures of bones and stuff…..

“Has she read it ?”

“She’s looked at it… Don’t think she’s read it. ……. David Ike is good isn’t he – he talks a lot of sense – who would have thought the royal family are all aliens”

“Well there are some who would question whether everything David Ike says is true”

“No its true, I saw it in a book – he says you have to wear blue to be safe from the aliens. Thats the sort of knowledge I want to learn”

“Ah sir, you will be needing our paranoid conspiracy theory utter rubbish section then”

Psychic Booksellers (first Published April 2007)

“My friend in Cornwall has quite a few Cricket books. How much are they worth ?”

Too Much Information (first published March 2007)

Guy comes in – also the worst for drink, and asks if I buy books.
“Sometimes”, say I “What sort of books are they?”

“Oh I don’t know, all sorts” He replied “How much will you pay me for them”

“I would have to see them, it varys from a pound or so, up to a few thousand, usually the former”

“But you must be able to give me some idea – can’t you guess?”

Pah.

Damned Communists (first published December 2006)

What have I done to deserve this week? (Please don’t rush to answer this – I’m sure there is some karmic reason somewhere – but I don’t really want to know).

Today was the turn of the American Evangelical Christian. Here I am, sat innocently behind my desk, tapping away on my little computer, when a nondescript American with about 5 cameras around his neck comes up and asks me where the Bibles are. I show him to the Christian books, where I have bibles in Greek, Latin, Welsh, a couple of old Apocrypha and of course the Talmud in Hebrew. He is disappointed that I don’t have any modern Bibles, and I explain a bit about the economics of 16th Century Bible good – 20th Century rather common.

He browses for a little while and then appears again at the desk, and begins a fine rant on how I have lots of evil books – but no bibles in English. Here I am expecting the esoteric section to come in for a bashing, but instead he turns on the Karl Marx books, and complains about how Jews and communists are ruining God’s world – and how Marx is in fact the Antichrist and the Endtimes are here.

Always nice to have a reasoned intellectual discussion at work.
He didn’t buy anything!

Enough Religion already (first published Dec 2006)

So here we were, sat in our little shop, minding our own business and enjoying a little freedom of Religion
when a lady walks in and up to the counter.

“Are you Jewish?” she asks

“Not I” was my reply, while I hurriedly hid my Menorah (one can never be too careful near Hanukkah)

On being told that I’m not, she asks who is Jewish in the shop.
I explained that as far as I know, there was no-one Jewish working in the shop, although Mitchell the Mutt has Hasidic tendancies and Rosie is prone to Pharrisaic opinions

She told me that she had been sent by the Methodist Church, who thought that this might be a Jewish bookshop and that she was working for inter-faith and reconcilliation for the Jewish Community.

It seems there are 73 Jews in our town – split into three groups – Orthodox – Reformed and another faction that I didn’t follow! – Without us, there are now probably only 72 – pity. However, this fine lady is working to reconcile the groups.

She went away, quite cheerfully and invited us to Hanukkah anyway.

It got a little stranger later in the day.
I was relating this tale of religious tolerance and joy to Holly (Quaker – I do hope you are keeping up!),
when a head popped up from behind the Natural History section (always a worry)
“I’m from the Methodist Church and know the lady you are talking about” he stated
I did a quick double take to make sure I hadn’t been too insulting about the Methodists in the last half hour – he seemed cheerful though, so it must be ok.

Apparently, the Jewish Lady in question, had gone to the Methodist Church, and told THEM that we were Jewish, and that she was on the way here to be reconciled with us.

So the question of the day for us, is Who DID tell her we were a Jewish bookshop?

I have been looking over my old blog today. This covered the time that I had a bookshop in Salisbury. It was a commentary on the customers, books and events – partly from the perspective of my dog Mitchell. When i read them now – I realise that I probably have more in common with Bernard of Black Books than I like to admit. Certainly, the blog entries would suggest I cultivated his approach to customer service. Many of these should be consigned to history – but there are some that I hope may still appeal to a bookselling and book buying audience.  So I shall offer them up here now and again!

Some people are never satisfied .  (First published Dec. 2006).

So here i am, polishing my leather with gay abandon, when a chap walks in.
He starts with the preliminary introduction of  “Do you Sell books?”

I resist scornful comments about generally being more of an exhibition or library and say yes, we do try to. Then announces that he needs a copy of a woodcut. Particularly, it must be mid eighteenth century, by a botanical artist rather than an illustrator, and must be of an Oak leaf, and an acorn.

This sounds fairly specific to me – so it is with joy in my heart, and a slightly smug and self satisfied spring in my step that I go straight to the “Illustrators of Oak Leaves” department, where I find a perfect original print of an Oak Leaf, botanically produced, with an acorn to the side and a cross section of both Leaf and Acorn (let me know If I am boring you!!). Beautiful condition, printed in 1750 (For the less historical of you, the is about as “middle of the Eighteenth Century” as it is possible to get). And best of all, £4.

I show this to the chap. Of course you have already figured what is coming next………”It’s not quite what I had in mind”

I can now feel a wave of the Little Britain “Shop of Horrors” sketch floating over me. It was all I could do to resist shouting at him “What the f*&&K do you mean it’s not what you had in mind – Not Oaky enough for you? Want something a little less Acorny? Leave now and encumber my bookshop no more with your fetid presence” but I settled with a “Sorry that’s the best I can do”.

(Sobs sadly into his coffee mug and dreams of normal people.)

By the way – I was offered a book on Porcelain Pot Lids today!! I refused to buy it our of spite!

Sinks and Soda.  (First published Dec. 2006).

Chap walks in
Comes up to the desk and announces that he has a ceramic Belfast / Butler type sink
He tells me that I have a lot of books
What should he use to clean it with?
Apparently the sink has no chips or damage!

I asked him if he had used Caustic Soda
And he replied no – he would try some immediately.

Next questions was about which Caustic Soda stockist I would recommend locally!!!

Hot on the heels of our Chelsea photographs – here is another late blog – this one a quick plug for the PBFA Kensington Christmas Fair.

It starts tomorrow (Saturday 3rd December) at 11am. This year, we are in the Hilton Olympia Hotel – so please do come along to visit, and bring wheelbarrow of cash for all the lovely items that will no doubt be on sale.

For many of us, this will be the last fair of the year, so I hope you will be able to join us.

Ho Ho Ho.

We may be a little behind the times here at Harrison-Hiett, (We are old booksellers after all), but we have finally caught up clearing out our photographs. 

This year saw another fine ABE Chelsea book fair – with many thanks to Graham York, Giles Lyons, and the rest of the crew. Takes certainly seemed healthy from Graham’s reports, and it felt like there were plenty of visitors passing through.

 The view from the stage. Marianne and Camilla working hard to the left. 

The Annexe (where my stall was) & Graham attempting a complex operation during the show.

Our stand at the show.