Hardcore Heavy Metal (first published Dec 2006)
You get some very odd ones in Antiquarian bookshops….
So here I was, innocently working away in my little shop……..
When a very respectable chap walks in.
Typical customer. Mid Sixties, smartly dressed with a checked jacket (and obligatory hankerchief to top pocket)
Tie, neat trousers, brogues etc: Neat moustache.
“Can I help you” I intone in my nicest, middle english bookseller voice.
“I do hope so” came back. “Do you have any biographies on Marilyn Manson, they’re my favourite band, they’re awfully good.. Do you know them?”
Not enough Pot (first published Dec 2006)
Chap comes in, up to the counter and asks if I have any books on Antique Pot Lids. I ask him what sort of pots he means, and he tells me he wants a book on the lids of jam jars, honey pots, glass and ceramic – as long as they are over 50 years old.
I ask him about the pots themselves, and he looks at me as if I’m an absolute idiot.
“Why would I want a book about those? It’s only the lids i’m interested in!”
Drama school (first published Jan 2007)
Student walks into the shop.
” I am a drama and film studies at the local college.
We want to film a fight scene in a library, but the college won’t let us use theirs. Could I borrow about a thousand books for a week or so. I’ll bring them back. ”
Now guess whether I said yes or no to him…….