Freebies & The New World Order

Chap walks in with the customary and highly cheerful “Good Morning, how are you today” that you just KNOW means he is going to try to sell you something.

He comes up to the counter, and pulls out a month old and tatty copy of “Antiques Explorer” magazine. A free mag, that we distribute from the shop. “Would you be interested in buying this ?” he asks.

“But we give it out free to the public”

“Yes but this is a back issue – surely there are some collectors”

after pointing out that a month old is not quite into the antiquarian and collectible scale of things, i dig out another 10 copies that we failed to hand out for free, and ask him if he would like to take these to add to his collection – that way he can make a real killing if he finds anyone stupid enough to buy them!

Sadly he doesn’t want my copies. I guess i will have to recycle them as usual!

first published March 2008.

Image result for caricature  bookshop antiquarian

They do exist.

I have just been on the end of an genuine rant by a genuine conspiracy theorist who genuinely believes that the world is secretly run by the New World Order. I didn’t think they really existed (The conspirasists that is – obviously the New World Order exist).

He also believes that Jews run the NWO, that members of the House of Lords are practicing their marksmanship in Westminster to defend themselves against the revolution. etc etc etc.

Here was here about 20 mins and paused for breath once.

I just smiled sweetly and glazed over!

First published March 2008

Postal Problems & Omniscience

Chap phones up to complain about a book order I have sent him.

I look up the order, and assure him that the books have gone out to him with Royal Mail.

“Oh I know that, I found them in my garden” it seems that the postie left them half in his letter box, and someone pulled them out,and threw them into the bushes.

He wanted to know what I was going to do about it.

I paused bleakly for a moment (wondering what all this had to do with me) and asked him how much damage there was to the books.

“Nothing at all, you wrapped them very well, but I wondered what compensation I would receive from you for them being thrown into the hedge”

I shall stop here !

first published January 2008.

Image result for cartoon second hand bookshop

Gentleman walks in and we have the following conversation (which I promise is not edited or made up):

Muppet: “I have some bird books – how much are they worth ?”

Mitchell: “I don’t know – do you have them with you”

Muppet: “No”

Mitchell: “Well who is the Author ?”

Muppet: “I Don’t know”

Mitchell: “Well do you know the title ?”

Muppet: “I Don’t know”

Mitchell: “Well how old are the books ?”

Muppet: “I Don’t know – they are a bit tatty – are they worth rebinding ?”

Mitchell: “That would depend on how much they are worth”

Muppet: “Oh – there are six of them. How much would they be worth then ?”

At least he didn’t tell me they were blue !!!!!

first published Feb. 2008.