The vagaries of age

A very sweet old lady came into the shop….

“Are we allowed to choose our own book ?”

Ah if only you weren’t.

We would do so much better if I could choose which books people had to have. All my old and unsaleable ones would fly off the shelves.

“Yes madam, I am certain that Sweet and Maxwell’s “Medical Negligence in County Court Judgements” is a thrilling book, and will certainly keep you amused for hours”

first published April 2008.


A very nice old chap comes in.

Looking for a book. Can’t remember the title or the author.

But the authors man is a fish – comes in tins – quite tasty.

All of the customers (yes I had several) joined in to try to help. He was offered Sardines, but apparently it begins with a ‘C’ and is the cheapest fish you get in a tin.

Suggested Cod, Colley, Carp, Californian Sardine, Kippers (yes I know) and various others, but no joy. He went off promising to return with the name.

He hasn’t.

I am frustrated now. Suggestions please.

First published April 2008


a woman of a certain age walks into the shop, and approaches me with a “hello, i know you are busy”

I instantly suspected a sale pitch, but no. She then asked.

“Do you have a book for thickening up hair ?”

I looked suitably blank (not having a clue what she was talking about)

“My sister is getting on, and has a bald patch, and I want a book to thicken her hair… I’d pay anything for it”

“Ah, do you mean a book about hairdressing madam ?”

“Not really, I don’t want to do hairdressing, i just want to know how to thicken my sisters hair”

I suggested that it might be easier to just ask a hairdresser for advice, which she thought was a jolly good idea, and set off to obtain immediately.

first published April 2008